Telling someone you love and who loves you that they are not meeting your needs is the most difficult discussion I’ve had in a long while, and I have had quite a few. Earlier in the day I was confronted with a reoccurring problem: my partner asked me ‘ what the plan was?’ Even after I’d asked him to make one this time, at least. I told him that he had agreed to make earlier. He said okay, but then just as I was getting offline he asked me ‘what the plan was’ and this incensed me. So, I said I will now see you when you make a plan until then good night. Then he made a plan.
Now I see a problem here, I had to throw down a gauntlet to make him do something that he should want to do by his own volition. He thinks that I’m better at planning and now has left every and all the planning up to me. He even purchased my ‘ surprise ‘ birthday cake with me present there. This makes me really unhappy because it makes me feel that this is what I have to look forward to in my future with him. I don’t know if I want to sign up for this future.
He got extremely jealous when I asked a friend of mine for help and said that it would be nice if I ask him the next time, so I did. I asked for his help to get me something from the shops because I didn’t have the time to get it myself, this was also an important time bound task and I needed it before 11 o’ clock, he said he’d get it done. He slept through that time in which he had to go to the shops and didn’t bother to inform me about it. Later, when I told him, that I had to embarrassingly ask for a friend’s help on the same thing (a friend who thought that my boyfriend was going to ‘get it done’) with a tiniest of time frames and yet they’d accomplished it, he started becoming jealous again and rather than accepting responsibility he distanced himself from the entire situation and laughed about it.
I’m seeing another problem here: he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and tries to make small of the mistakes he makes but hypocritically reacts to mine with manic jealousy and judgement. I’m a person who either gets the job done or informs the other person that I will not be able to do it so that they can make other arrangements, in time. His immaturity waa baffling to me and frankly excessively annoying.
These types of incidents happen all the time and I am left with a nagging feeling of being lonely and sad. Either don’t ask me to look to you or if you have then step up. This makes me feel horrible and annoyed with him and makes me reconsider if I want to move forward with him. This sort of behaviour can be managed and ignored short term but if he wants me to think about a long term commitment as he insisted that he does then he’s going to have to work on this just as i have worked on issues that he has had with me. Being flakey, dismissive and immature is not going to work longtime, and not just me with about anybody.
I would love to hear if you’ve faced something like this and if you have then how did you work it out with your partner…