Talk feelings to me… Common interests and no pettifogging…

I’ve noticed that I bond better with people that I have something in common with, whether it be television shows, music, life experiences or other related issues. I usually take less time opening up and having a better quality discussion with them.

Rather recently, whilst talking with a man in a completely new setting for us to be hanging out in. Unlike what I’d imagined, the conversation flowed seamlessly, We talked about so many wide ranging topics, that I usually do not get to discuss with many people outside of my immediate family. This made me feel at ease and well connected with him. I haven’t felt that in a while and so this connection warmed my heart and made me understand his point of view in a more open and honest way as well. His unhindered understanding that this wasn’t sexual tension but just a higher level of human connection was another welcome addition to our friendship and camaraderie. I am not sure if many people currently in my life would understand this type of emotion but this man did and that is what I will always cherish about him.

The first conversation with my non – pettifogging companion’s memory will always leave me with a happy, warm and a more receptive heart and I thank them dearly for this priceless gift.

Difficult discussions… Talk feelings to me!

Telling someone you love and who loves you that they are not meeting your needs is the most difficult discussion I’ve had in a long while, and I have had quite a few. Earlier in the day I was confronted with a reoccurring problem: my partner asked me ‘ what the plan was?’ Even after I’d asked him to make one this time, at least. I told him that he had agreed to make earlier. He said okay, but then just as I was getting offline he asked me ‘what the plan was’ and this incensed me. So, I said I will now see you when you make a plan until then good night. Then he made a plan.

Now I see a problem here, I had to throw down a gauntlet to make him do something that he should want to do by his own volition. He thinks that I’m better at planning and now has left every and all the planning up to me. He even purchased my ‘ surprise ‘ birthday cake with me present there. This makes me really unhappy because it makes me feel that this is what I have to look forward to in my future with him. I don’t know if I want to sign up for this future.

He got extremely jealous when I asked a friend of mine for help and said that it would be nice if I ask him the next time, so I did. I asked for his help to get me something from the shops because I didn’t have the time to get it myself, this was also an important time bound task and I needed it before 11 o’ clock, he said he’d get it done. He slept through that time in which he had to go to the shops and didn’t bother to inform me about it. Later, when I told him, that I had to embarrassingly ask for a friend’s help on the same thing (a friend who thought that my boyfriend was going to ‘get it done’) with a tiniest of time frames and yet they’d accomplished it, he started becoming jealous again and rather than accepting responsibility he distanced himself from the entire situation and laughed about it.

I’m seeing another problem here: he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and tries to make small of the mistakes he makes but hypocritically reacts to mine with manic jealousy and judgement. I’m a person who either gets the job done or informs the other person that I will not be able to do it so that they can make other arrangements, in time. His immaturity waa baffling to me and frankly excessively annoying.

These types of incidents happen all the time and I am left with a nagging feeling of being lonely and sad. Either don’t ask me to look to you or if you have then step up. This makes me feel horrible and annoyed with him and makes me reconsider if I want to move forward with him. This sort of behaviour can be managed and ignored short term but if he wants me to think about a long term commitment as he insisted that he does then he’s going to have to work on this just as i have worked on issues that he has had with me. Being flakey, dismissive and immature is not going to work longtime, and not just me with about anybody.

I would love to hear if you’ve faced something like this and if you have then how did you work it out with your partner…

Why go steady..

I’m regretting going steady…

There are many reasons for different people to get cold feet after they’ve gone exclusive and I’m sure they feel that they are valid. I have a nagging feeling as well but it’s not because I think there’s better out there or because I might have been hasty or that I might change my mind but because I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know if I even meant it or if it seemed like just another thing to try. I cannot tell the difference and that’s not fair on the other person.

I know I’ve made a mistake but I don’t know how to fix it. Is going back even allowed; do people go back without breaking or spoiling things?, I’m not sure! Even if I want to tell them and go back I don’t know how to without making them feel bad. The problem of this truly and completely lies with me…my impulsiveness is something that makes me do things that I later regret. I feel a lot less than people and I think that is the reason I end up hurting people around me. Things that are really small for me are rather important for others and they associate more feeling to it than I do probably which is why when I distance myself from somebody because it isn’t that difficult for me.

I don’t know why this is a part of my personality and I don’t know how to deal with this either…I would like some help in dealing with the going steady situation…

Pushing sleep

I have recently noticed that whenever I feel sleepy at night-time, I just push my sleep away. I literally force myself to stay awake and keep alert and pass the night. This has been going on for a while now but I’m not quite sure how and why it began. The strangest thing about this is that I generally watch a series or videos on my phone to push my sleep and it was precisely this activity that I had used in order to put me to sleep in the past. I don’t know exactly how this occurred but it has become immensely fascinating to me.

I am looking to keep repeating this pattern and observe if another 180° change occurs and at the Same time try to find out what made this complete U turn possible.

If anybody has any suggestions please share…

Love found and no love lost 2…

With “knowing better” came comfort and complacency

Stage two

You get comfortable and used to the feeling of having then around. You learn their habits and catch phrases just as they learn your annoying habits and sweet gestures. You fall into a sort of rhythm and eventually that rhythm become a routine.

The routine is something that, if left unaddressed, might eventually turn into complacency and then the feeling of being taken for granted creeps up in partners. This breeds resentment.

Experiences make relationships

When you re-watch a movie that you’ve watched before with somebody, the remembrance strikes suddenly, you recall the parts that had affected you both and how you had felt connected. It may have sparked up a conversation which might have given you some insight into their personality. I believe this is what gives relationships a momentum, keeps people interesting and brings out new topics and ideas that you can spend time discussing. Trying new activities together creates memories and these memories are what you look back on whenever you remember somebody. Thus, I believe, experiences are a crucial component of forming and keeping a long term relationship and maybe this is why they’re called “bonding exercises” at camps.

Experiences create a natural emotional response which is quickly registered in the brain. The repetition of such responses overtime strengthens our emotional attachment with the person that elicits that response from us. This strengthens our bond with them.

I have always asked people that I’ve been interested in to get up and do something, watch a movie; go for lunch; bout of window shopping/shopping, so as to get out of our comfort zone and try something different. I honestly believe that it illuminates different aspects of our personalities that may otherwise go unnoticed.

So, if I say let’s do something today, I want a chance to strengthen our bond further.

Let me know what you think about experiences and their effects…

Turning tables…

My sister came to me and asked me to ask her boyfriend to study, at first I didn’t want to do it because it’s not the kind of relationship h and I shared but after a long rant I agreed.

I called him and we both went to his place the next morning to nag him into it, it was very strange to force him to study because I don’t like doing that and think that people learn the best when they decide to stuff by themselves, however, I went to work and after a bit of pushing he agreed to study.

You’d think this would make my sister happy right! WRONG!

It made her so angry and sure enough there were words… Her complaint against him was that he didn’t listen to her when she’d asked him to study but did when I asked him. She felt like she was being ignored or made to feel less important to him but they solved or shelved it after “talking loudly” for a while.

After a few weeks, I was told that my sister was finally going to get her driving license made because her boyfriend couldn’t drive for a while. I had been asking her to do that for months. I was hurt but when I brought it up generally and at that moment without anger, she couldn’t quite understand why I wasn’t happy that she was finally doing it; Why was I being so passive about the whole thing?; I should commend her for finally taking that initiative. That’s when my anger kicked in, I couldn’t believe that she’d forgotten the feeling. I know the logic behind it but it’s a feeling that you cannot help but feel. She’d raised a storm at her boyfriend’s house but me simple pointing it out to her was too harsh a thing.

This is Hypocrisy. I’m a hypocrite too sometimes but at least I known up to it when I understand what I am doing or what I did but saying that you never do anything like that and turning the tables when it suits you is what makes people loose faith.